Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I have a reading level above third grade

Joe Biden is not the best president we had. That would be John F. Kennedy. How is voting for Donald Trump any worse than voting for Joe Biden?

I have complete contempt for fakery

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

My stepdaughter’s mom tells her I’m not a real dance teacher, but my stepdaughter has seen me in action. Why does she still question my abilities?

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

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I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

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I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

What is the sluttiest thing your wife has ever done?

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I can count

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I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

Are there any examples of outdated values in the Bible?

I have complete contempt for traitorism

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I see through liars

Do straight guys like to see cocks?

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I understand how hurricane paths work

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

What is the nastiest thing you had your wife do and she loved it?

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I don’t cotton to rapists

Why does cocaine makes me want to dress up and get fuck

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

What causes you to be tired all the time and major headaches?

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

What was your most memorable experience catching a fraudulent car seller?

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

Why does Africa have all mineral resources but she is suffering economically?

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

How do you relax?

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I actually pay taxes

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I don’t buy bullshit

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I can read

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I took the same Oath and took it seriously